I follow a Twitter account called Preschool Gems, where a preschool teacher posts all the ridiculous things she overhears all day. My days are pretty similar, only I hear even weirder things because I work in the boonies of Tennessee. Here are some of the more ridiculous things I’ve heard in therapy….
On social skills
“I like your shirt….and your whole body is beautiful.” – T., age 6. My all-time favorite. I would like to point out that she doesn’t have autism or any other disorder involving poor social skills.
Student: “You look really weird in the picture on your nametag.”
Me: “Why do you think that?”
Student: “I don’t know, you just have a weird face.” – Also from T., 6
“Did you see that colored boy? He’s my cousin.” – S., 8. Oh, I didn’t realize that when I drove to Huntsville, TN, I actually teleported back into the 1940s.
After practicing for weeks exchanging information about what we did over the weekend with a student who has autism: “Miss Annie, I’m gonna ask you how your weekend was now.” – G., 11
Along the same lines, after months of practicing how to give compliments with another student who has autism, while sitting in a little kitchen area:
Me: “D., this is my friend Miss Renee.”
D: “Hi Miss Renee! I like your microwave!”
Me: “I like how you complimented her, but let’s think of something else you can compliment her on.”
D: “There’s another microwave right there. I like your other microwave, Miss Renee!”
Me: “How are a penny and a quarter different?”
“A penny is a dollar and a quarter is 10 cents.” – J., 11
Me: “Name 3 seasons.”
“Football season, hunting season….and snow.” – K., 7.
Me: “Name 3 states.”
Various answers I’ve gotten:
“Disneyland, Nashville, and Florida.”
“Knoxville, Nashville, and Scott County.”
Student: “…..” Me, trying very hard to get the student to name just one state: “You live in the state of Te…..” Student: “Texas?”
Me: “I’m thankful for my mom, my dad, and all my friends. What are you thankful for?”
“Breakfast.” – J., 6
“Miss Annie, am I a pretty girl?” – G., 11, who is a boy.
On stellar reasoning skills
“That your brother?” – J., 6, while looking at a picture of the school’s football team.
Me: “No. My brother doesn’t live here.”
J: “Where he live?”
Me: “He lives in Missouri. That’s where I’m from.”
J: “He in jail there?”
While talking with a student who was convinced/trying to convince me he was Santa:
Me: “Is my dog on the nice list, Santa?”
Student: “Mmmm, I’m afraid he’s on the naughty list.”
Me, horrified: “Get him off of there!”
Student: “That’s harder than you think. I’d have to talk to Elvin the Elder Elf, and he is not very nice to deal with.”
Me: “Santa, what do you want for Christmas?”
Student: “Oh, I just want to spend some time with Mrs. Claus.” – B., 10.
On teachers who have said ridiculous things
Teacher: “What is your name again?”
Teacher, confused: “Annie??”
Me: “Yes, Annie.”
Teacher: “Are you saying….Annie?”
Me: “Yeah, my name is Annie. Like the orphan.”
Teacher: “I’m sorry, you just have such a thick accent!”
Sign language interpreter: “Where are you from?”
Me: “Saint Louis…Missouri.”
Interpreter, looking dubious: “Oh. Whenever I see Joyce Meyer on the tee-vee, I always just think….WHY would someone want to live in Missouri?” Thank you. I think the same thing about Tennessee every time I drive through downtown Morristown.
A janitor, while discussing his back problems: “I mean, I can’t even squeeze a fart out!”
Teacher, yelling at her rambunctious kindergartners: “If yer daddy was here, would he be bustin’ yer tail right now??!” (For a full image of what this looked like, watch this video and skip to 3:12.)
That’s all the gems I have saved up for now, although I’m sure I’ll have some more by the end of the school year. Stay tuned!