Therapy Gems

I follow a Twitter account called Preschool Gems, where a preschool teacher posts all the ridiculous things she overhears all day.  My days are pretty similar, only I hear even weirder things because I work in the boonies of Tennessee.  Here are some of the more ridiculous things I’ve heard in therapy….

On social skills

“I like your shirt….and your whole body is beautiful.” – T., age 6.  My all-time favorite.  I would like to point out that she doesn’t have autism or any other disorder involving poor social skills.

Student:  “You look really weird in the picture on your nametag.”
Me:  “Why do you think that?”
Student:  “I don’t know, you just have a weird face.” – Also from T., 6

“Did you see that colored boy?  He’s my cousin.” – S., 8.  Oh, I didn’t realize that when I drove to Huntsville, TN, I actually teleported back into the 1940s.

After practicing for weeks exchanging information about what we did over the weekend with a student who has autism:  “Miss Annie, I’m gonna ask you how your weekend was now.” – G., 11

Along the same lines, after months of practicing how to give compliments with another student who has autism, while sitting in a little kitchen area:

Me:  “D., this is my friend Miss Renee.”
D:  “Hi Miss Renee!  I like your microwave!”
Me:  “I like how you complimented her, but let’s think of something else you can compliment her on.”
D:  “There’s another microwave right there.  I like your other microwave, Miss Renee!”

On categorization

Me:  “How are a penny and a quarter different?”
“A penny is a dollar and a quarter is 10 cents.” – J., 11

Me:  “Name 3 seasons.”
“Football season, hunting season….and snow.” – K., 7.

Me:  “Name 3 states.”

Various answers I’ve gotten:
“Disneyland, Nashville, and Florida.”
“Knoxville, Nashville, and Scott County.”
Student:  “…..”  Me, trying very hard to get the student to name just one state: “You live in the state of Te…..”  Student:  “Texas?”

On concepts

Me:  “I’m thankful for my mom, my dad, and all my friends.  What are you thankful for?”
“Breakfast.” – J., 6

“Miss Annie, am I a pretty girl?” – G., 11, who is a boy.

On stellar reasoning skills

“That your brother?” – J., 6, while looking at a picture of the school’s football team.
Me:  “No.  My brother doesn’t live here.”
J:  “Where he live?”
Me:  “He lives in Missouri.  That’s where I’m from.”
J:  “He in jail there?”

On connections

While talking with a student who was convinced/trying to convince me he was Santa:

Me:  “Is my dog on the nice list, Santa?”
Student:  “Mmmm, I’m afraid he’s on the naughty list.”
Me, horrified:  “Get him off of there!”
Student:  “That’s harder than you think.  I’d have to talk to Elvin the Elder Elf, and he is not very nice to deal with.”
Me:  “Santa, what do you want for Christmas?”
Student:  “Oh, I just want to spend some time with Mrs. Claus.” – B., 10.

On teachers who have said ridiculous things

Teacher:  “What is your name again?”
Me:  “Annie.”
Teacher, confused:  “Annie??”
Me:  “Yes, Annie.”
Teacher:  “Are you saying….Annie?”
Me:  “Yeah, my name is Annie.  Like the orphan.”
Teacher:  “I’m sorry, you just have such a thick accent!”

Sign language interpreter:  “Where are you from?”
Me:  “Saint Louis…Missouri.”
Interpreter, looking dubious:  “Oh.  Whenever I see Joyce Meyer on the tee-vee, I always just think….WHY would someone want to live in Missouri?”  Thank you.  I think the same thing about Tennessee every time I drive through downtown Morristown.

A janitor, while discussing his back problems:  “I mean, I can’t even squeeze a fart out!”

Teacher, yelling at her rambunctious kindergartners:  “If yer daddy was here, would he be bustin’ yer tail right now??!”  (For a full image of what this looked like, watch this video and skip to 3:12.)

That’s all the gems I have saved up for now, although I’m sure I’ll have some more by the end of the school year.  Stay tuned!

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